My Big But goes something like this - I'm tired, my kids wear me out. I end every night the same way - 1/2 hour of elliptical and then an hour & a half staring at the telly like the Village Idiot. Then I get mad because I feel like a loser who does nothing but washes dishes and changes diapers. Because I feel like a loser, my self-esteem dips. Then I start hating my life and feeling sorry for myself. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
Sanchez got me thinking - maybe it's time I started actually living again. She posted something in her blog about how this challenge was meant to help her work on projects that would allow her to do something creative each and every day - something she loves to do because it makes her happy. She's right. Our roles of women take on more and more meaning the older we get. We work, become wives, mothers, manage the house hold, etc. Because we wear so many hats, it's so easy to fall into a rut and forget to do things for ourselves. I know I have.
Don't get me wrong - I do feel fulfilled as a mom. My kids are the apple of my eye and I could not imagine life without them. But - just cuz we're moms does not mean that we have to focus entirely on our children and forget ourselves in the process. It's taken me 3 and a half years to finally figure this out. Part of this is because I'm about to have a nervous break down, the other part is due to Sanchez.
I am a creative person. I make music, I write, I do arts and crafts, I create. No more will I say to myself that I used to be these things. No more will I put these things on hold for the day when I am not too tired to do them. I may not be able to do something creative every day for one year but I sure as hell can practice the piano and put a couple of stitches in the baby blanket I've been working on since my son was in utero. I can update my blog every now and then. I can, I will.