In Dreams

When we sleep, is our mind a crap shoot that food-processes nonsense into a mental smoothie for us to enjoy as we re-coup from our day? Or is it something more.

I dreamed I was in love with someone else and when I awoke I was heart broken. When I say heart broken, I mean like, all I wanted to do today was make a mix tape (remember those) of sentimental songs ** and sing along to it while eating Cheetos and staring listlessly off into space.

Mind you, I am a happily married woman with an awesome family and would never dream of cheating on my husband but still...why do these things feel so real? Is it "emotional cheating" to feel this way? I almost feel guilty.

I actually went so far as to call this person just to make sure it wasn't real. The message I left went something like this "Hi B! How the hell are ya! I had this weird dream about you. So um okay. Call me back, Byieeeee."

Moments later I got a call back and felt like a complete retard. Especially when I was asked what this dream was abut, No doubt he thought I prophecized his death or something equally morbid. What could I say. Strangely, it wasn't awkward and we had a nice conversation.

Perhaps these sorts of dreams are the mind's way of acknowledging something that's there but just isn't meant to be? I don't know. But what I do know is that I probably made his day by calling and it was great to hear from him. I made someone happy. And maybe that's what the mental clutter from last night was all about. Reaching out.

Then again, I often have a recurrent dream that Johnny Depp and I used to date in high school and I drag out a shoe box from under my bed, full of old letters and photos from him to me to prove this to everyone.

That being said, I really can't take my mind as seriously as I'd like to.

** 'ASTRONAUT' BY LUNA

I wanna plug you in

I wanna get you things

Send you a pentagram

Feed you diazepam

I wanna play the game

I wanna live again

I wanna bend your spoons and make your

Silver shine

I'll wear a stylin' mustache

You'll wear a frozen smile

We'll run like Tamil Tigers

We'll drink the poison vial

I'm not the Jack of diamonds

I'm not the six of spades

I don't know what you thought

I'm not your astronaut

Because our surly stare

Is so revealing

Because your feet are bare

My eyes are peeling

Because your mistletoe

Because I gamble

Because I told you so

My eyes are scrambled